Chris shares about a time when he disagreed with his Pastor and what he learned from the experience. Disagreement is normal. In this episode, we explore ways in which we can have healthy disagreement with our Pastor and still work well together.
For more great insight on how to handle blame check out this video from Dr. Brené Brown: Click HERE
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This one is rough for me to listen to. Mostly because I know how real it is.
Paid staff always has particular and different, and sometimes difficult concerns.
My entire experiences with disagreement with pastors is entirely framed by my volunteer status. I know many many similar stories from my fellows, but then they also are volunteers. In other words, our ministry is completely not framed by professionalism. We stand up for salaries and accomplishments somewhere else.
So are some particulars of what I’ve experienced as a volunteer who gives an average of 25 hours/week in ministry:
– “Father, you seem uncomfortable. Please don’t worry: I don’t have to agree with you. I have to love you.”
– “Father, I’m a volunteer. I can be dismissed any time. No one needs to tiptoe around me.”
– “The more I disagree with you, the more I pray for you. Please don’t feel attacked if I disagree with you.”
– “Father, this is what I understand from (the Roman Missal, the RCIA, the Code of Canon Law, the Congregation for Divine Worship, etc etc etc etc). Of course, I don’t understand it the way that you do. Is my understanding off-base?”
– If it gets too hot/uncomfortable, in a day or two, approach Father after a daily mass, be calm and reflectful. Father asks, perhaps a bit clinically, what he can do for you. Reach in the drawer with the purple stoles, give him one; get on your knees an honestly confess how sorry you are for how upset you got
I’ve been offered paid positions from anything from cantor to director of liturgy, etc etc etc. I live in the Bay Area, and no amount of church salary would pay my living. I’d have to hustle for favours or whatever to get buy, so it’s non-starter.
I have only one reason in three parts to be involved in parish ministry: Christ in Word, Christ in Body and Blood, and Christ in His People. I feel called to it because the structures and oversight of liturgy and parish life are areas where I feel directly “plugged in”. And there are final written documents through which, if I have the proper disposition, I can have a constructive conversation with Father no matter what the topic is.
As a volunteer, I’ve got tons of other areas, even church-related areas (Knights of Columbus, trimming hedges at the local convent, etc etc etc) where I could spend my time and energy and maintaining relationship to God and His People.
It’s quite liberating.
I mean, I could get run out of the parish by angry gossiping parishioners in their little cliques and clubs pursuing me with burning torches. But the Church is still the Church, and the Universal Church is everywhere.
I never cease to have a particular empathy, and perhaps a bit of sadness, for those who are in a position to rely upon parishes and dioceses, as fluid as they can be, for their subsistence.
As a person whose “day job” is outside the Church: it is my experience that politics/intrigue in parishes and dioceses are far (*far*) more brutal than the outside corporate world. Disagreement turns to dispute turns to conflict turns to combative fast and quickly when people think that God is on their side.
Alvin, thanks for your thoughts. It’s defin a challenging subject and I’m glad that you e been able to serve the church in a variety of ways. Thanks for contributing.